a thing intended; an aim or plan.
Do you ever feel so overwhelmed with everything going on that you barely have time to think about what you want to eat for dinner let alone what your intentions are for your life?
Or maybe thinking about what you want for dinner is a nice distraction to keep your mind busy and not thinking about what it is you really want?
I have been in both camps.
Life has become a constant stream of data and information coming at us at all times. As soon as I sat down to write this I had multiple notifications pop up on my computer that were very tempting to open. I resisted. At least this time.
It is so damn hard to not get distracted, yet I realize that whenever I stay focused and clear about what I want and I stay true to myself that it always happens. Maybe not in the way I thought it would but never the less it always happens.
So why do I fall off the wagon and more importantly when I do fall off how do I get back on?
I fall off because I start to think about the past and then of course I start to worry about the future. Then I remember that I know exactly what my Intentions are and I pull them out and read them out loud. I keep them in a journal that is always with me written out in pen on a simple white sheet of paper. This simple sheet of paper has saved me more times than I can count. Especially this past year.
In the beginning of 2022 I set my intentions in these categories and in this order:
I had a clear plan on what I wanted in each of these areas of my life and wrote it all down on that white sheet of paper. I used it as a reminder when I struggled or when I was deciding on something. I realized that once these areas had clarity that it would be easier to fulfill my passion and purpose, which is to help women figure out what they really want out of life and to be confident, happy and to help them find their passion & purpose. That is why I believe I am here. So before I can help anyone else get clear about what they want I have to do it myself.
Ok so now I had it all written down on the paper and each day I used this as my guide. You can imagine how incredibly happy I was when just 13 days after writing this all-out last January that I met a man that I fell in love with. He was everything that I had hoped for - tall, funny, handsome, successful etc. We embarked on a 9-month whirlwind romance full of champagne and caviar. I fell super-fast and hard and right into my same old patterns. You see, what makes me a successful entrepreneur (my ability to problem solve, pivot and work with what I have to make the best of it) also makes me suck at romantic relationships.
I realized just a few weeks in that there were some major red flags. Mainly he was not yet legally divorced. This is something he told me right away but I overlooked it and thought “I could work with this”. At the time I really thought I could but after having gone through my own divorce just a few months before this was not the best scenario for a healthy relationship. I had written out exactly what I wanted earlier in the year and yet here I was making conscious decisions that were not aligned with what I had said I wanted. The very first thing I had listed in my intentions was that the man I would meet would be completely available and single.
I went against my own intention and instead ignored what I had felt inside from the very beginning. Although I will always be grateful for the experience and this relationship, I am reminded to always rely on my intentions as my guide to help me stay focused.
I made the difficult decision to end the relationship. There were many tears but I got through it and now more than ever I am going to remember to use that white simple sheet of paper as my compass.
Intention is the first step but what I learned is equally as important is that you align your actions with your intentions.
I was clear about what I wanted but the choices that I made didn’t align with my intention so what was I doing? I had all the data and yet I still decided to overlook a “non-negotiable“ for me.
Once I was aware that I had fallen into the “I can make it work no matter what” pattern that I have carried since childhood I realized exactly what I was doing.
I thought “Jo, you already know exactly what you want. You are so clear and detailed and yet you are making decisions that are pulling you further away from your intention instead of getting you closer."
My intention was to fall in love and that happened, however that was only part of my intention. There were other parts that were equally as important.
So, do you know what you really want? Or are you going through life reacting to things and people around you living the same day, week, month, year over and over again?
I can relate but it wasn’t until I started to focus on what it was I really wanted in my life that I stepped into my power.
This took me 48 years, cancer and divorce to figure out. I went through life distracted and putting every person in my life first except for me. I am a recovering people pleaser and I put so much emphasis on people liking me or approving of me.
If it wasn’t for me writing out what it really was I indented for myself then I would still be living in a way where I would sacrifice my own happiness to please others.
Walking away from this relationship was a clear decision to put my own happiness first, above everything else no matter what and to stay true to my intentions.
I also now realize I really don’t care what other people think of me, my decisions or if I am right or wrong. I have nothing to prove or defend. If you don’t like me that is ok. I like me. I like me a lot. In fact, this year my intention is to fall in deeper love with myself and do things that bring me joy and help you do the same.
Here are some “tips and tricks “on how to get started on figuring out your intentions.
Get a clean sheet of lined paper and a pen and put it on your nightstand. When you wake up first thing in the morning before checking your phone or reading your email write one thing your intend in each of these categories and focus on that all year. Keep it simple & clear and remember it needs to be believable to you or else it won’t work. Keep this paper with you throughout the year so you can refer back to it as often as you need to keep you focused and help you avoid distractions.
Wishing you a year full of Love, Joy, Clarity and Confidence!